Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ten Ways NOT to Answer Job Interview Questions About Trail Running


So, I've been doing some job interviews lately (fun!). The good news is that there is a ton of great innovation happening in Silicon Valley, lots of great career avenues to explore, and I'm meeting really interesting people. The bad news is that I have to INTERVIEW. Ugh.

I had forgotten how the preposterous-but-necessary act of summarizing your life history and goals into little sound bites, interview after interview, makes you begin to hate your cliched self. I swear to God, I'm an inch away from replying "I'm a people person" to every question, accepting my inevitable assimilation into the lowest level of Interview Hell. Lord, just kill me now.

Luckily you can't Google my name without hitting this blog, which will inevitably bring the question, "So, what's the deal with all that trail and ultrarunning stuff? Why do you do it?".

With that, I give you:


Ten Ways To NOT Answer a Job Interview Question About Trail Running

1. It's the only thing that keeps the voices in my head to a dull roar. 

2.
My Narcotics Anonymous sponsor said to find a hobby that keeps me as far away from crack houses as possible. 

3. Because it's XTREME with a CAPITAL 'X', MOTHER F#$KER!!! I tried Ironman, but those pussies quit at midnight. I have more iron in my morning shit than those posers have on race day. And nothing gets my blood boiling like f'ing posers!

4. I like to be inaccessible for long periods of time. You know, get off the grid and really question whether applying my skills to help rich, shallow women buy handbags is the best contribution to the planet.

5. So I can laugh ever time my boss says "this is a marathon, not a sprint". A marathon is a sprint, you dumb ass. 

6. It's a great way to talk to women. If you see a hot chick, just slow to their speed and they will be forced to listen to you for hours. And you don't even have to buy her a drink! Well worth the $35 entry fee.

7. Because working in a cube makes me feel like a caged animal. It's either trail running or gnawing off my own leg by lunchtime. 

8. Honestly, I just like to pee in the woods. Thank God there is a sport that makes this socially acceptable.

9. Look at this belt buckle...BOO-YAH! Do I need to say anything else?

10. What good is a health plan if you don't test its limits with some rhabdo/kidney failure on a regular basis? Nothing says "pooled risk" better than getting two weeks of dialysis on a $10 co-pay. 

11. I like coming to work every day battered and bruised like I joined the Fight Club. People don't fuck with me. Cause they know if they do, then this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you.  (this is a movie quote, btw)

Okay, that's actually 11. Let me know if you guys have any other gems!

- SD

34 comments:

  1. I love this! I was recently doing a winter 24 hr race and afterward was talking to someone who mentioned they run 1/2s. Asked me if I ever thought about going that far and I told them what my weekend was. They haven't asked since.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've never made it further than a marathon, but being able to give smartass answers like that is what keeps me motivated to try it out someday.

    ReplyDelete
  3. #8 is my favorite. No particular reason, honest.

    Hopefully your future interviewers won't come across this particular post?

    ReplyDelete
  4. from Christi:

    #12. Why do you ask? Do I have to use PTO for my 3 hour lunchtime training runs?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hhmmm, good point about interviewers reading this. Ahem! All in good fun!!! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have wanted to do some trail running and adventure races for some time, but with a family and young children I have to keep to 'sprints' up to the occasional marathon.

    ReplyDelete
  7. #3 had me laughing hard...very funny! But yeah, you're screwed when a future employer uses The Google now!

    ReplyDelete
  8. BTW, what event are you running at Masters Worlds?

    ReplyDelete
  9. #13- Because I can talk to the animals.

    ReplyDelete
  10. 14 - you walk funny at the interview because you are wearing compression gear/did a 50 mile run or race the day before / are injured / or are chaffed

    ReplyDelete
  11. Instant classic! #8 is my fave, but a great list all-around

    ReplyDelete
  12. Excellent post - and I can't wait for the follow up - what you reply when you are asked about this post....

    ReplyDelete
  13. Holy guacamole, Scott! This is a whole nother (and unguessed-at) side of you. Boo yah!! Taking catharsis to a brand new level....

    Too bad I'm a homeschooling housewife. I'd hire you in a second!! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. funny stuff, but i think yr NA sponsor said
    'gratitude list.' its alright though, shit gets confusing when you run to the point of hallucination on a regular basis.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hmmm...the triathletes like #3, the ultrarunners like #5, and everyone on Facebook loves #8. Go figure!

    Darren - I'm just doing the marathon at the World Masters in July. Unless of course this post proves to elongate my unemployment, in which case I'll sign up for everything!!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Definitely #5 (We use 2-week Scrum with 2-week sprints ;-)
    Scott: we're expanding rapidly--please come and work for us--we more ultra runners!
    http://kaazing.com/about/careers.html
    Peter

    ReplyDelete
  17. OMG #3 is WAY too funny. Lots of, um, iron! ;-p

    ReplyDelete
  18. In the situation that I go hiking with my coworkers I only have to be faster than the slowest person during a bear/zombie/tiger attack. I am pretty confident I can beat that fatass that welcomed me when I walked in. My real goal is to pull a 180 on the bear, persistence hunt it, and have dinner.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank for a this article. I have been going to interviews as well so I know exactly what you mean. The question that always bugs me when I meet up with someone I haven't seen for awhile is "are you still running?" When I answer in the affirmative, they always look disappointed. After nearly 35 years of running I still get asked.

    ReplyDelete
  20. #15: By "business casual," does that mean toenails are optional in the office?

    ReplyDelete
  21. No 3 is my favourite. Iron in your shit. Hahaha! Be careful though. Your bosses might google you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thanks for the interesting information. I really enjoyed reading your blog and I look forward to read your next post. It is always fun to find great blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Do not run! It's very dangerous! Walkink is more healthly. Michael also started jogging and died.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Even though I'm just an Ironman pussy, we're looking and the crew here is well indoctrinated and accepting of crazy fools like you. What sort of mobile app work do you do? Besides, I need someone else to run with 4:30am then come into work eating a burrito and ice cream for breakfast. Ping me if you like - scott [at] altosresearch [dot] com or on Twitter [at] scottsambucci.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Thanks for this! I laughed my way through 1-11 while sitting in my cube like a caged animal.

    ReplyDelete
  26. haha love fight club! Funny post!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Tanya (coyote)6/23/2011 01:17:00 PM

    Love this list. I wouldn't worry about employers. This would actually be a good screen for you. If they don't "get" this list, they ain't worth workin' for.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Awesome blogpost!
    I really like no. 11 - fantastic movie by the way. Had to laugh out loud a few times :D
    Very funny post :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Choked on my water when I read #5, though I must agree with facebookers; #8 is where it's at.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Number Whatever. When I'm running through the woods, I like to pretend I am a stealth Indian....or a sniper.

    ReplyDelete
  31. LOL! Love it. I just interviewed 2 days before taking off for Western States and had to explain why I couldn't start the next day. If only I had some of these answers, I could still be unemployed and have some decent training time. Now I need to figure out #12. That's was the best response. Good luck with the interviews.

    ReplyDelete

I LIVE for comments! Please add your thoughts, let me know you stopped by, etc., and be thoughtful of others. Always best if you sign your name, of course.