I had forgotten how the preposterous-but-necessary act of summarizing your life history and goals into little sound bites, interview after interview, makes you begin to hate your cliched self. I swear to God, I'm an inch away from replying "I'm a people person" to every question, accepting my inevitable assimilation into the lowest level of Interview Hell. Lord, just kill me now.
Luckily you can't Google my name without hitting this blog, which will inevitably bring the question, "So, what's the deal with all that trail and ultrarunning stuff? Why do you do it?".
With that, I give you:
Ten Ways To NOT Answer a Job Interview Question About Trail Running
1. It's the only thing that keeps the voices in my head to a dull roar.
2. My Narcotics Anonymous sponsor said to find a hobby that keeps me as far away from crack houses as possible.
3. Because it's XTREME with a CAPITAL 'X', MOTHER F#$KER!!! I tried Ironman, but those pussies quit at midnight. I have more iron in my morning shit than those posers have on race day. And nothing gets my blood boiling like f'ing posers!
4. I like to be inaccessible for long periods of time. You know, get off the grid and really question whether applying my skills to help rich, shallow women buy handbags is the best contribution to the planet.
5. So I can laugh ever time my boss says "this is a marathon, not a sprint". A marathon is a sprint, you dumb ass.
6. It's a great way to talk to women. If you see a hot chick, just slow to their speed and they will be forced to listen to you for hours. And you don't even have to buy her a drink! Well worth the $35 entry fee.
7. Because working in a cube makes me feel like a caged animal. It's either trail running or gnawing off my own leg by lunchtime.
8. Honestly, I just like to pee in the woods. Thank God there is a sport that makes this socially acceptable.
9. Look at this belt buckle...BOO-YAH! Do I need to say anything else?
10. What good is a health plan if you don't test its limits with some rhabdo/kidney failure on a regular basis? Nothing says "pooled risk" better than getting two weeks of dialysis on a $10 co-pay.
11. I like coming to work every day battered and bruised like I joined the Fight Club. People don't fuck with me. Cause they know if they do, then this button-down, Oxford-cloth psycho might just snap, and then stalk from office to office with an Armalite AR-10 carbine gas-powered semi-automatic weapon, pumping round after round into colleagues and co-workers. This might be someone you've known for years. Someone very, very close to you. (this is a movie quote, btw)
Okay, that's actually 11. Let me know if you guys have any other gems!